There are certain moments where I realize how precious life is. The feeling paralyzes me. Sometimes it’s when I’m watching a movie, sometimes it’s when I’m on a plane, sometimes it’s when something unexpected happens and I’m reminded how little control I have over what happens in life. It hits me like a cold wind, the truth that most things don't last forever. I feel both immense gratitude for everything in my life and immense regret for every mean word I said. Forgiveness washes over me like a tidal wave and humanizes every person who’s ever done me wrong. I am reminded how unimportant the size of my waist or the number of Instagram followers I have is. In these moments, I realize that so much of our lives are spent distracting ourselves from what really matters because the scariest thing about love is the the fact that having it means you’re capable of losing it.
Isn’t that why we cling to people so tightly? Isn’t that why we hoard wealth? We want to be invincible but we’re not. We’re human and when we’re so busy trying to escape the reality of being human we fail to appreciate each other for what we are. We love with our heads instead of our hearts. We choose pride over peace. We ignore the feeling in the pit of our stomach telling us to slow down and forgive before it’s too late. I don’t blame us. How do we deal with fear? How do we come to terms with impermanence? It’s so hard to say goodbye yet often when we are dealt loss, it brings us closer to love and when we are dealt pain, we realize what it means to be happy. The times when we lack control force us to control what we can.
And what can we control? How can I use my pain and sorrow and fear in a productive way? I can be more kind; I can be more present, and I can try to make the most of every moment. I could wish to go back and change the past or try to erase it from my memory but that would only waste more time. Part of being human is also making mistakes, and the good news is, those aren’t permanent either.
-Baker Grace